Nachiket's Blabber-O-Rama

The English Language Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language? Let’s face it English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down slowly Boxing rings are square And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing. If the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth If the teacher taught, Why didn’t the preacher praught. If a vegetarian eats vegetables What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play Yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and Drive on parkways You have to marvel at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up as It burns down And in which you fill in a form By filling it out And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers And it reflects the creativity of the human race (Which of course isn’t a race at all) That is why When the stars are out they are visible But when the lights are out they are invisible And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts But when I wind up this observation, It ends.

This is my proposal.

In the past 3 years, I have, in total, purchased four different iPhones. Two of them for myself, and two for my girlfriend. Three of them at some point had cracked the front screen. I replaced the screen on two of them myself, one I had to throw it, cause I didnt know better. However, I digress.   I think that people are scared that if they complain about the iPhone, they will fall from grace…or be ‘un-cool’. And I say, I have a dream…that people are free of fear…LOL.

Cracked iPhone

People, its ok to complain about the flaws of iPhone. I assure you, that you wont be banished from civilization.  Everyone has ranted endlessly as to how great the device is, and I agree. However, like everything else, there are flaws that would drive people nuts if it were not an iPhone. It almost seems that saying anything against iPhone is sacrilege. The screen is just one example of the flawed design. Worse, its not insurable. Typing is another nightmare on the iPhone. Everyone talks about how they got used to it, but no one seems to say, ‘its not acceptable, we need better design’.

Most of the consumers, if they crack the screen, will not be able to replace it. I see many people carrying around cracked iPhones. Really????? There has not yet been a product that hit the market, before iPhone and iPods, which a consumer would be comfortable carrying after its broken.  Someone has to say something here. There have been no complains or protests from consumers, and Apple continues to sell. Cellphone companies make it worse by ridiculously long term contracts.

Apple from the very begning has been a company that sells products with lesser functionality and higher prices. This started with MACs, twice the cost for half the performance and functionality. Even today, MACs are more expensive laptops. Thats why they failed and so did the company. iPOD saved the day.  iPOD was the most expensive mp3 player on the market, with least amount of support for different formats and least amount of features. Apple’s  success is a feat of marketing genius. I accept and grant that iPhone introduced a new era. But this new era was not for serious smartphone users. Iphone does a lot of things reasonably well, but nothing extremelly well. I carry Blackberry for work purposes. I cant wait to get rid of my iPhone. My girlfriend moved away from iPhone and is not unhappy at all.

I hope that consumers see the products for what it can do rather than what its possesion implies.

I started working in an organization based in Long Island some 3 years ago. For me it was something I was looking forward to. I was very excited and eager to start. However, I realized after a few weeks, that I was suffering a lot of anger arriving to work. It took me months to realize what was going on. It was the damn drive to work. Its no secret, that traffic situation is pretty bad on the island.

I wondered a lot as to why was it so different driving on the island. It didn’t take long time to understand what was going on. The roads are congested with bad drivers. People have bad attitudes and non-existent driving skills. But more specifically, most of the drivers inLong Island have what I have come to call as Accute-Left-Lane-Addiction Syndrome (ALLAS). I believe this can catch on.

ALAS is when a driver by default moves to the left most lane (or the fast lane), irrespective of speed, need to pass, or any real reason. So here’s what happens. Every driver will graduate to left lane on all roads. This means that most of the times, the fastest lane is the right most (slowest lane by design). If you observe closely, this is the fundamental issue with congestion on the roads. This is added by slower moving traffic in the middle lane causing a ‘lock’ situation.

Previously I used to rent an apartment in Long Island for Monday to Friday and travel back to NJ during weekends. This is what led to my observation and discovery of the problem. As soon as I would leave NJ (traveling to LI) or enter NJ (traveling away from LI), the apparent traffic pattern change is more than obvious. In fact, people who travel on the NJ Turnpike, will notice that mostly cars with NY plates will not move away from the left lane or will not allow the cars to pass. Usually when this happens, I am convinced that the driver is from Long Island. Talk about profiling, I can tell when a driver is from Long Island.

NJ has pretty strict enforcement of traffic laws, and I have to say, that the lane discipline is very much striving. I often wondered if there is recognition of the problem in Long Island. All the cops need to do is hand tickets to people with ALLAS! I also wondered if the traffic education completely skips the part about lane discipline. Recently, there has been a significant increase in traffic cameras around the island. Surprise tickets showing up in mail is now a common thing. In fact, before the installation I was randomly interviewed by some radio station, and I said, awesome that we have cameras now! I should have said, the bigger problem is not jumping orange lights but lane discipline. I do understand the motivation and revenue potential with the cameras, but I offer, that enforcing lane discipline on LI has better revenue potential. Below is one of the Florida State campaigns. What is the common thing between Long Island and Florida?

The problem is more profound, because all the bad driver stereotypes exist in abundance in Long Island. Asian, Old people, Trophy wives with big SUVs, arrogant youngsters, drunken teenagers, clueless blondes, etc.

I have shot a few videos to show the above described conditions. I will post those videos as a followup on this post. I want to hear from other people if they share the same frustration with long island drivers. If you are reading this and reside on Long Island, please move and allow to pass.

I finally saw the movie ’3 Idiots’. Like millions of others, I found it entertaining and touching at the same time. Rajkumar Hirani strikes again….in a big way.

If I can be so bold, there has never been a movie that touched me so much as this movie has.  3 Idiots is a shining beacon to indian cinema in so many ways. And dont quite know where to start. I am going to try nevertheless. The aspects that touched me were situations more than the characters. The depiction of characters were to address the situations depicted and the actors were phenomenal to ensure that you never forget what the situation is. And yet, each character, so real.

Lets start with the story. However contrived, to deliver the social ‘relevant’ message, its still close to most of the realities we  (Indians)  know of.  What better way to capture the ‘immpossible’ expectation of success in the society. Come to think of it, where survival is more because of social relevance than individual achievements, the story delivers for indian as well as ‘non-indian’ audiences. When Boman Irani (‘Virus’) walks in with the ‘koyal and the eggs’ analogy, it essentially sets the stage to what competition is all about, not as crude but surely accurate.  I love the premise that the movie is mostly about 2 people looking for a friend that helped shape their lives. I would have loved to see that these 2 help forge the life of ‘Rancho’ above and beyond bringing him the love of his life. But then I guess, that was the point. It made me think of all the friends that shaped my life.  More importantly, it made me think/wonder if I ever were that kind of influence to my friends. I have always aspired to inspire people, but you always wonder if it worked….

The part that I particularly loved were the jokes in face of ‘indian melodrama’. In any other movie, having dinner in the household with a paralysed father, and retired mom complaining about the cost of vegetables, is nothing but a tear-jerker. And in the face of what is a harsh fact and life of most poor families in India, the script transforms it into a funny scene. I love that. Yes, life is difficult in general, more so in countries like India, but the fact that its not ‘paralysing’ is great. I love the metaphor. I do hope that, that was the effect the director was going for.

It left me speechless when the movie depicted that there were more deaths  by suicide than disease in India. It surely hit a nerve. The first girl I ‘fell’ for, gave up for a problem which was nothing more than social trauma. Another very close friend of mine, tried to ‘quit’ under pressures that were unreasonable. Did the movie have answers? Not really, but the idea is to invoke a thought process, and it surely did. India loses more bright talent to unreasonable social pressure than any other country I know of. It would probably be justifiable (not saying it is), if the result were that India would be heaven on earth. Far from it. Case and point, India is a 3rd world country for all the aspirations and pressure.

Did I see awesome technical details in scenes and capture of moments, no, but that was intentional no doubt. I am tired of awesome frames and breathtaking scenes when they dont apply to the story. This movie has visuals that will haunt you for a long time. For every Indian, the visual of rushing to the hospital with 3 people riding a 2-wheeler, specially with the one in the center ‘disabled’, is something I cannot not forget. Infact, I actually experienced the same situation, only that the 3rd person on vehicle was my passed out girl friend. At the same time, it as an international appeal.

The only aspect missing from the movie is the aspect of sacrifice of parents that sometimes help realize the dream that we all have. In my case, I was dismissed off by many, and if not for the multiple chances provided by my parents, I probably wont be where I am at, and it aint bad where I am at.

So many more things to write and none without disclosing the details of the movie. I dont want to be the ‘spoiler alert’, and I hope I come back and write a more detailed blog on my experience with the movie. I will end here, however abruptly. I do believe that 3 Idiots is another milestone in Indian Cinema.

A must watch movie of the century!!!!

As I usually say, this only happens to me. It’s only with me, that a relaxing massage can become and ordeal.

Recently I was in Vegas. I am probably the most boring person to be in Vegas with. I don’t gamble, and I don’t have game (whatever that means…I have been told). I digress, that’s a whole blog by itself. I was there attending a conference. I lug around a 17” laptop and a lot of gadgets (to maintain my nerdy image I guess). So carrying 20lbs on the shoulder, apparently, messes up the back. So I decide to sneak and go to the spa for a massage. And thus begins my ordeal…

I arrive at the spa and choose Swedish massage. They have ‘add-ons’, like, Aroma Therapy, Oils, etc. I decide that just the massage should be good. I am escorted in, shown to the locker. I shower and get in the robe and wait in the waiting area. This is very unnerving by itself. Have you spent time in a small room with men in robes? Some not really caring if the robe is covering properly. I sensed everyone was a bit awkward. Usually these are the moments when I feel the compulsion to say something (in other words, ‘put both my feet in my mouth’). As much as I tell myself not to say anything, I hear myself say ‘How’s it hanging guys’? I could have said, ‘how is everyone?’, but then, that won’t be me!

It was a relief when someone came to get me and lead me to the ‘Therapy Room’. I swear I heard giggles and laughter as I left the waiting room. I was just relieved to leave. My therapist (masseuse) was a lady in her late 30s, pleasant face and a nice smile.  After brief introductions, I was all set on the table for my session.

The therapist, started with my shoulders. I was sure I’d fall asleep, as I hadn’t slept much during past couple of nights. As she proceeded, I was almost dozing off when I heard a distinct ‘tummy rumble’. For a second, I thought it could be me. I hoped it was not me. I heard it again. There was no doubt, it was the therapist. She was right next to my head and I could hear it. I dismayed. Of all the therapists in the world, I had the one with gastric problem! I hoped that it was temporary. But then, heard the grumble again, and again. Gastric calamity was imminent. Again, as in all awkward situations, I was meaning to say something. And I refrained, which is very rare for me.

As I lay there, on my tummy, in a small room, I felt exposed and vulnerable. This was a very ‘inflammable’ situation and I had to figure out a way to avoid the impending ‘gaslestation’.  I pondered if I should say something and embarrass the lady or just face the inevitable.  Being the gentleman I am, I decided to face my impending doom.  As she walked around, her clothes brushed against the leather on the table and every sound made me jumpy. I heard more profound rumbling and figured that she was at ‘point-break’.  I politely asked her to reduce the pressure as she continued massaging me. I did not want her applying of pressure to cause an ‘incident’.

As I slowly came to the ‘acceptance’ of my situation, a very important question came to my mind. Will it smell? This was no doubt the most essential aspect of my impending ‘gasiolation’.  What I did realize at this time, that massage tables are too wide. I was trying to reach my face under the table. The hope was that I could at the least cover my nose. At this point, the aroma therapy add-on seemed like a very good idea. Again, to re-iterate, I was in a small closed room, with the objective of a therapeutic massage and was minutes away from being ‘gaseously ‘ violated. There are no defined massage etiquette for such a situation.  So as I lay there, I added more stress and walked out with a severe neck pain.

I’d like to think that there were no ‘silent’ inceidents. Morale of the story, always choose aroma therapy.[ad]

After a long time I read a book. Very ashamed, however, I blame Internet and audio books. But I digress…

I read a book on Neuromarketing called ‘Buyology’.  Basically, it’s an attempt to peek in your brain, for designing effective marketing campaigns. I was fascinated and could not stop reading.

Neuromarketing  is a new field of marketing that studies consumers’ sensorimotor, cognitive, and affective response to marketing stimuli. Researchers use technologies such as functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) to measure changes in activity in parts of the brain, electroencephalography (EEG) to measure activity in specific regional spectra of the brain response, and/or sensors to measure changes in one’s physiological state (heart rate, respiratory rate, galvanic skin response) to learn why consumers make the decisions they do, and what part of the brain is telling them to do it.

Buyology unveils the results of marketing guru Martin Lindstrom’s pioneering three-year, $7 million dollar study that used the latest in brain scan technology to peer into the minds of over 2,000 people from around the world. The shocking results will reveal why so much of what we thought we knew about why we buy is wrong. Buyology rewrites the rules of marketing and advertising.

Martin Lindstorm

Some of the links are below:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1580370,00.html

http://www.fmri.org/fmri.htm

Quantum Of Solace Poster

This is very unlikely of me not to see a Bond movie the day it comes out. However, I finally saw Quantum of Solace. I cannot understand what people complain about. According to my humble opinion, Bond is finally defined. Did I say I loved it? Well, I did.

The lines from Casino Royale said it all:

James Bond: So you want me to be half-monk, half-hitman.
M: Any thug can kill. I need you to take your ego out of the equation.

Finally a bond who is more a hitman than a monk. The movie does an excellent job of painting his character the way it should have been years ago. Daniel Craig has the body and charm that can swoon women. Infact I think, its more believable that women fall for him for being edgy and bad, rather than suave. I think this is truely reincarnation of the bond films.

The action is slick, fast and extremelly ’captivating’. The lines, immaculate. I even prefer the new martini recipe. I am loving the exchanges between ‘M’ and Bond.  All in all, as I said before, I think Bond genre has been redefined to its finest.

The title of the movie fits the storyline perfectly. The title is from a short story where bond is only in the background. Follow this link to know more.

The treatment of the film is quite well done. From the opening sequence of the movie to the end, its breath-taking. The action is brutal. Bond is cold and merciless. Bike, boat and car stunts all work. Bond films do it the best. The quick thinking bond, the absolute situations…and its all good.

About the bond women, for some reason, I am not entirely happy about that. I didnt think Vespa (Eva Green) was all that, nor is Agent Field (Gemma Arterton). Camille (Olga Kurylenko) on the other hand, sigh….

Marc Forster delivers what was lacking in Casino Royale. The pace is efficient and keeps you wanting more. I never expected such slick from Marc, considering the films he has done in the past.

In summary, this film was some solace from dissappointing action movies this season. I think its a must see film of the year. Cant wait for the next bond installment.

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I just came back from the movie ‘The day the earth stood still’.  For some reason, aliens always come to America. But to fight this cliche, the movie starts in snow peaks in India. Apparently the aliens arrive there to steal DNA from a lonely mountain climber. So an intelligent species choose a snowy clad mountains at the opportune moment when this lonely climber will see it and approach it. The movie was full of cliches and stupidity that makes no sense.  None of the scenes make any actual sense. Keanu cant emote, perfect role for him. Jennifer, as my girlfriend mentioned, was ‘skinny’, but did not look like a biologist. The roles has no bearing on situations or the story line. Jennifer could have been a janitor in a military facility to be involved in the story.  Jaden smith does a decent job, but again as my girlfriend pointed out, annoying.

The day the earth stood still

The original was way ahead of its time, and this one put us way behind our times.  A lot in the new film is straight from the original. I am guessing some studio exec said, ‘make it bigger’, and the robot-man-thingy is bigger with the same ‘red laser’. This  movie did not appeal to my intellect or was worth my money. It was the same nonsense as how as a species we are destructive and will destroy/consume the planet (virus-like behaviour). The same old cliches of an alien civilization finding out the ‘humane’ side of humans by really badly contrived situations. I prefer ‘Independence Day’ over this nonsense. There were more shots about planes flying, cars driving, people walking then actual drama in the scenes.

 The movie has no consistency from scene to scene. Flying glassy balls (translucent spheres) land all around the globe. The biggest of the ball lands in Central Park. To which my wise girlfriend says ‘Why always NYC?’ If my brain would not have been so still, I could have answered the question in order to make some sense.

When the biggest ball hits Central park, its night time and there are people dressed for work and carrying briefcases in central park. Women with babies in strollers, etc.

This review is all over the place, because the movie was all over the place. Save you money and stay away from this film.

The day the earth stood still

Batman - The Dark Knight

 Yipee!!! Today I got my ‘Dark Knight’ Blu-ray disc. There are several things to be excited about the Blu-ray technology. This has been blogged and talked about over and over. Of all the things, BD-Live, is the feature that excites me the most.

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In short, BD-Live is a recently implemented feature to access content via your internet connected Blu-ray players. This allows for downloading enhanced content, refreshed previews, ringtones, etc. This is an entirely new era in interactive media.  One of the coolest features I thought was the ability to record video/audio commentary (review) a portion of the movie you are watching and sharing with friends. My head spins at the possibilities. 

BD-Live

My current job responsibility is the Enterprise wide architecture for a retail organization. We are constantly striving to use cusomter reviews and customer participation for increasing sales (like everyone on the planet). Imagine the possibilities for the most consumed form of entertainment to finally have the ability to post/share reviews from their living rooms?  This will change home entertainment in ways I cant even begin to imagine. I cant wait to try this. Check out the following video.

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Here are some more of related topics…

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10114666-1.html

http://www.engadget.com/2008/12/09/the-dark-knight-fan-commentary-bd-live-feature-shown-on-video/